Pushing the limits

All I know is that today was a good day of relative normalcy. Good food day! The only exercise was just me,my husband and my dogs on a long walk in a winter wonder land. I feel so peaceful and energized at the same time when I am here. I joke with mu husband that I think I get why the likes of Earnest Hemingway came here and wrote. I could write forever sitting at my table and watching the lake.
3-10-12
Not every day of the past year has been a day of torment.  Today was a beautiful day of sunshine, blue skies and some alone time with my husband.  It is warm, but the snow is still fantastic.  Ahh!  I just soak it all in as I ride the first lift with  eager anticipation of feeling myself fly down the hill.  I have felt so penned up an restrained the past to weeks as I force myself to eat well and limit my activity.  But today, today I am free to fly.  I love it all.  The warmth of the sun.  The chill of the wind in my face.  The sound of my skis carving through the snow, and finally the speed.  Fast enough to feel on the edge of control and out of control.  I manage to stay in control while pushing my limits.  I feed off of the speed.  Then I see this as a metaphore for my life with the eating disorder. I am much better at stepping up to the edge on my skis than I am with the eating disorder.  I meant to push myself just to the edge of it, yet stay in control.  Instead it was like a gigantic yard sale of a crash ( you skiers know what I mean ), of which I am still trying to pick up the pieces.  At least I haven't bit it on my skis lately.

Today I give myself a break from being "sick"  It is better than any therapy or medicine.  I feel free and comfortable in my own skin.  And after figuring out that my slighter frame has changed how I must work to carve my turns, I ski wwith reckless abandon.  Being out in the elements, I  am so in my element!  Even though I bravely tackle black diamonds and speed, it is the courage I muster up to eat well and re-fuel my body that makes me proud.