Silent Finger Prints

"Truth is found in silence" Patricia Fargnoli
Job 34:29 "If God is silent, what is that to you?  If he turns his face away, what can you do about it?  But whether silent or hidden he's there ruling."  (MSG)

God seems to speak to me both from his words and the simple line from Winter's Grace, about silence; his silence.  His truth is often revealed by his silence, in silence.  It is only when I quiet my surroundings and my mind that God can reveal his truths to me, even the truth about his silence.  Undistracted by the noise in my head or the clamor of the world, it is easier to hear him; hence actually listen to him.  I am aware that for most of us, myself included, this is no simple act.  Let's face it silence is uncomfortable and we want to fill the void with empty words.  So, in prayer I often drone on like some caffeinated valley girl, or with sophisticated words like thee, and thou.  Sometimes in my prayerful monologue I do hear God raise his voice to me. "Will you just shut up and listen or sit in my silence?"  And when I go silent I can catch a glimpse of truth rising out of the ashes of my life.

What about God's silence?  What truth does it reveal about him?  The tougher question is what truth does it reveal about me?  I am not sure that God is ever truly silent.  He may be appear to be silent when a specific prayer goes unanswered for season after season.  It is in those seasons that I wonder where is God, and why has he apparently gone mute; refusing to answer me?  So, as I contemplate this silence, I am aware that it does reveal the truth of my faith.  Can I trust him in the silence of unanswered prayer for healing, for recovery?

When I am silent I am able to take a step deeper into my being and survey all the seasons of  my life.  In doing this I realize that He is never silent or idle.  I see his fingerprints on my life as clearly as the ones constantly wipe off my IPhone, but His I never want to erase.  I see his finger prints even in the painful moments of my life, the times when his silence seemed more like abandonment, or neglect.  I now recognize that these prints were left by his hands holding me up through the suffering and  I did not perish in his silence.

So, I invite you to sit in your silence, and see what truths God will reveal about himself, and yourself.  He may remain silent, or possibly not  saying what you want to hear in this season of your life, but what you need to hear.  In this silence, I continue to come to him and seek him.  Maybe this is what he really wants is just to spend time with me.  He uses this time to love on me, comfort me, and he uses this silence like a bit in a horses mouth to steer me back onto his path.  He is in the saddle and he holds the reins.  He resores my faith by simply showing up in The word, a hug from a friend, a smile from a stranger, or the phone call that brings me back to life.

I rise in the morning feeling alone and weighed down by the burden of my recovery from the eating disorder and the unpredictable searing unseen pain of the neuralgia.  "Where are you God?"  I find myself asking.  "I am all around you!"  I hear him say.  I feel called to the frosty windows and I see him in the sun rising over the hill glistening off the icy water, and the hard packed snow covering the ground. It is a spectacular, almost blinding sight.  The birds are singing despite the cold crisp air, foretelling of the blooms of spring. The ground will soon be exposed with the crocus pushing their way through the sun softened snow. So it is in this cold winter season of my life that I look and listen for the subtle signs of his presence. I listen for singing of the birds,  the thawing of the ice that will remind me that seasons change;  this is just a season of my life.  Like the snow covered ground, I will not remain frozen and hidden, but push through and bloom.

I am reminded that even in his silence he is always present as I ask for the strength and grace to survive each day.  It isn't always easy as I surrender and take it all to the cross of my seemingly silent God. Yet he is still faithful as he supplies the strength and grace I need minute by minute, day my day, and he is okay that I don't always do it gracefully.